To Whom it May Concern:
It has come to my attention that as the result of RIAA wet dream SB3974, a bill which requires all state-funded higher education institutions to adhere to unprecedentedly strict standards of preemptive copyright infringement prevention, the University will soon be adopting new standards and implementing new technologies to combat the threat posed by Phish bootlegs flying around campus networks.
Despite such media advocacy agency blunders as the creative liberties the MPAA took with their numbers, SB3974 passed with nary a question regarding its cost/benefit ratio, forcing your already financially beleaguered institution into an even more precarious situation. I'm sure we know who will be feeling the pinch when it comes time to pay for this new enterprise. My pity goes out to the students of the University and the taxpayers of Tennessee, as I'm sure yours does.
Which brings me to the crux of my letter. After perusing the Legislature's February fiscal note detailing the planned costs of this endeavor (from which I drew the estimated $13+ million price tag), I came to find that the recurring costs of the staff position which will monitor all this new and fancy technology are estimated at $75,000/year. In the interests of doing my part to save my state's University any money possible, I hereby offer my services in the position to be created for a mere 2/3 of this - $50,000/year, including wages and benefits.
Feel free to contact me via this newspaper. I eagerly await your response.
(hat tip: Ars Technica)