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[The Slug] Though April Fools News Jokes Are Annoying

I thought this one from the TNDP was pretty good:

Tennessee Democratic Party Calls for Common Sense Gun Laws
Wednesday, April 1, 2009 

NASHVILLE - The Tennessee Democratic Party today gave its full support to pending legislation that would allow citizens to carry their guns into the voting booth.
The Senate bill, SB 357, would remove the requirement that guns be left outside the voting booth. 
"For too long, law-abiding Tennesseans have suffered the inconvenience of leaving their guns outside the polling place," says Forrester.  "Now however, it has gone beyond inconvenience.   With the Republicans removing fair-minded Election Coordinators across the state for partisan reasons, Democrats need to be able to carry their guns to protect their voting rights." 
The Republican takeover of the Tennessee General Assembly has impacted county election offices across the state, as GOP leaders have begun replacing law-abiding commissioners for purely partisan reasons.
"I think it would be very understandable that they would want to make a change if there had been problems with the way the elections had been run," Sarah Bailey, coordinator of Elections in Unicoi County told News Channel 11 in Bristol.
However, Republican leaders want to replace Bailey and other Democrats regardless of the quality of their job performance.
The House is expected to reach bi-partisan consensus on a similar bill. "We know that Republicans want guns in parks and bars, so we don't expect any fight from them on this common sense legislation," Forrester said. 
"And if anyone has a problem with guns in voting booths, they should just check the date and get over it," Forrester concluded.

Comments » 1

  • April 01, 2009
  • 12:06 PM
whitneyenovak writes:

I am a student at UT and just wrote this for one of my English courses:
(I am glad someone else thinks this is ridiculous! Maybe you could help me get this to the editor in hopes of publishing it?)

Dear Metro Pulse and fellow Knoxvillians, I am not writing in response to any particular article Metro Pulse has released, rather I am writing in the hopes that you guys will release one. Born in Memphis and having lived in Knoxville for over four years, I am a true Tennessean (not completely by choice though). Anyway, a few things that have been going on recently in the Tennessee State Legislature regarding gun laws have been really bothering me. There are three laws that the Tennessee legislature, particularly Doug Jackson, are pushing to be passed: 1. To make it impossible to search for gun owners through any sort of database, 2. To allow gun permit owners to carry their guns into public parks and 3. (Which is most disturbing to me), to carry these guns into restaurants and bars, just as long as the permit owner is not consuming alcohol.
Being an American has it perks, though freedom is something too many people take for granted. And I understand that the right to “bear arms” is one of these said freedoms. Personally, I would never own a gun; I actually think I would be afraid to even touch one. But this is my own choice. Gun owners have a right to own guns, and even though I am not comfortable with this, it doesn’t matter. But what does matter is my safety. Tennessee’s safety is currently in jeopardy and rather or not these proposed bills will pass will determine this.
Doug Jackson, a Tennessee State Senator, is the man behind this worry of mine. On Thursday, March 16th Jackson appeared on the Colbert Report and stated: “I think the right to keep and bear arms is as American as apple pie, baseball and hot dogs.” To be honest, I don’t really favor any of these “American” things, but I don’t mind them. What I do mind though is constantly worrying about who has a gun on them, and more importantly why. I would imagine that all gun owners have the intention of using it at some point; I mean it’s not a toy or a fashion statement, it’s a gun!
Under Jackson’s proposed bills any person owning a gun permit will be allowed to carry it with them to any restaurant or bar, assuming they will refrain from consuming alcohol. First of all, this is crazy. Second of all, does this mean we will all now have to go through metal detectors, and if we do in fact have a gun what happens next? Do we get a stamp on our hand of a little blurred gun indicating we should not be served alcohol? These bills would be operating on the honor system, and let’s all be honest, no one is ever completely honest. To take such a serious matter of carrying guns around with us wherever we go should be taken seriously. Nashville local, Mark Anthony Howell, Jr. sums up my argument nicely, all the while standing in a crowded bar with a dartboard as his backdrop: “It’d be more fun, cause’ you’d get to shoot stuff. (Laughs and giggles.) Yeah.” When interviewed on the matter, Nashville bar owner Steve Smith said, “…alcohol and rednecks and firearms really don’t mix that well inside bars, it’s not, it’s not a good thing.”
Metro Pulse I write to you today (you being one of the few papers I feel actually reaches mature, knowledgeable audiences) in hopes of raising much needed awareness on this issue that will surely affect all of us from Tennessee. I am not quite sure what to do, but for the time being I am remaining calm and staying out of all bars. I am not sure what you can do either…perhaps you can write an article pertaining to this issue, or maybe there is a reader out there who wants to come together and start a petition of some sort. Assuming you respect your safety as much as I do, I hope to hear from you soon.
Gun-free and Proud/Safe
(Whitney Novak

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