A whole bunch of the movies our esteemed critics picked as the best of 2009 got considerably less reverential treatment at the hands of our movie blurb writer earlier this year. Here are some that made the list, with the critics' write-up and the blurb each one got during its theatrical run:
Crank: High Voltage (R)
YEAR-END OPINION: The mainstream American film that pushed cinema forward the most in 2009 was the breathless, balls-silly sequel to 2006's Crank, which finds casually superhuman hitman Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) in search of his own stolen heart. The gimmick would be suitably batty by itself, but writing/directing team Neveldine/Taylor's endlessly inventive visual barrage--think Michael Bay pumped full of PCP and comic book ink--announces the duo as prankster virtuosos. (Nick Huinker)
ORIGINAL BLURB: In this real time sequel, which begins right where the first left off, Chinese mobsters steal Jason Statham's indestructable demon heart and replace it with a meek electronic import. Watching the first one of these films was like being inside certain stores in the mall where the music is so loud and the clerks so frantic that you don't notice they are lobotomizing the part of your brain that reminds you that the products you are looking at are unattractive. This sequel promises the same.
District 9 (R)
YEAR-END OPINION: Sharp-edged social commentary and creepy body horror don't exactly sound like a recipe for a fun movie experience, but Neill Blomkamp's grisly creature feature turned out to be one of the most satisfying genre films in recent memory. Making truly clever use of the now-familiar faux documentary/found-footage gimmick, the film has some uncomfortable things to say about our society, and it says them in really entertaining ways with aliens, witch doctors, and giant frigging robot suits. (April Snellings)
ORIGINAL BLURB: Aliens land on Earth, are quarantined to a district in South Africa (way to alien-for-apartheid metaphor, movie) and are exploited by an uncaring multinational corporation (way to pun on the word "alien" for a more currently relevant metaphor). This film has had a pretty cool marketing campaign with blogs and stuff.
Moon (R)
YEAR-END OPINION: It would have been easy for Duncan Jones' insular sci-fi sleeper to end up politely navel-gazing, and it still may well have been a fine film. Tackling a heady, minimalist scenario in which a man (Sam Rockwell) living alone in a lunar mining outpost finds his own body (Sam Rockwell) in a wrecked rover, Moon consciously evokes starry tone poems like 2001 and Steve Soderbergh's underrated Solaris remake, and doesn't skimp on the psychology. Still, the film breezes by, using every theme and idea in service of a smart, often thrilling story, supported by Jones' low-gravity style and a pair of performances that reaffirm Rockwell as Hollywood's secret weapon. (N.H.)
ORIGINAL BLURB: Sam Rockwell stars as moon miner Sam Bell, who is scheduled to return to Earth following the end of his three-year contract mining Helium 3, the standard science fiction "stuff that fixes everything." But maybe he's going to be killed.
Observe and Report (R)
YEAR-END OPINION: If laugh mogul Judd Apatow's Boring People inched his stranglehold on film comedy toward the curb, Observe and Report drop-kicked it into the street. Jody Hill's accomplished follow-up to The Foot-Fist Way blindsided scores of Seth Rogen fans (not to mention any poor sap who wandered in expecting Paul Blart Redux) by choosing sociopathy over de rigeur emotional intelligence in the story of a psychologically troubled young man and the mall he has sworn to protect. A firm reminder that amiability--however foul-mouthed--is the enemy of edginess, and that genuinely challenging films like Observe and Report (which owes more to Paul Schrader than Judd Apatow) will always have more to contribute to comedy. (N.H.)
ORIGINAL BLURB: At first the neck-snapping tonal shifts--from goofball comedy to bilious nihilism--come across as challenging, even smart. But it quickly becomes clear that director Jody Hill has confused satire with sadism. His interest isn't in highlighting the (by now quite clichéd) shallowness of mall culture or the sad and broken lives of his characters. Instead Observe and Report comes across like a demonstration of his own cynical cleverness. (This one's actually an excerpt from Zak Weisfeld's full review that ran in April.)
Star Trek (PG-13)
YEAR-END REVIEW: Who knew there was so much life left in Gene Roddenberry's 43-year-old franchise? J.J. Abrams' sublime reboot embraced the series' space-opera roots to deliver a breathlessly paced adventure movie whose characters never take second billing to the film's impressive special effects. The script may have been spotty in places, and some of its logic downright dodgy, but audiences were too busy having fun to notice. (A.S.)
ORIGINAL BLURB: Maybe J.J. Abrams can bring a little meaning into our dull, empty, endless, dreary days. Yes, he can save us. Kirk, Spock, Uhuru, and the rest of the original Enterprise crew meet for the first time, young, restless, attractive, and written and acted competently for once.
Up (PG)
YEAR-END OPINION: Pixar's 10th full-length film frequently and effortlessly achieves one of the ultimate goals of cinema: to invest objects and images with so much emotion that words are superfluous. Up's now-famous opening sequence recounting several decades in its hero's life is some of the finest storytelling we've seen lately, in any medium. Up doesn't maintain that level of poignancy or impact, of course, but it's a beautifully animated, frequently funny, and often touching adventure yarn about the redemptive powers of love and friendship. (A.S.)
ORIGINAL BLURB: Pixar's latest opus has already drawn three Internets full of over-the-top critical gushing as (apparently) required by the Walt Disney Corporation. Ed Asner voices main character Carl Fredricksen, who decides to see the Americas(cheaply) by tying a bunch of balloons to his house. Soon, he finds out that the Western Hemisphere is full of wacky anthropomorphic dogs. The Americas may also contain some kind of social commentary, the partisanship of which will be debated on the radio a lot.
Crank: High Voltage (R)
YEAR-END OPINION: The mainstream American film that pushed cinema forward the most in 2009 was the breathless, balls-silly sequel to 2006's Crank, which finds casually superhuman hitman Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) in search of his own stolen heart. The gimmick would be suitably batty by itself, but writing/directing team Neveldine/Taylor's endlessly inventive visual barrage--think Michael Bay pumped full of PCP and comic book ink--announces the duo as prankster virtuosos. (Nick Huinker)
ORIGINAL BLURB: In this real time sequel, which begins right where the first left off, Chinese mobsters steal Jason Statham's indestructable demon heart and replace it with a meek electronic import. Watching the first one of these films was like being inside certain stores in the mall where the music is so loud and the clerks so frantic that you don't notice they are lobotomizing the part of your brain that reminds you that the products you are looking at are unattractive. This sequel promises the same.
District 9 (R)
YEAR-END OPINION: Sharp-edged social commentary and creepy body horror don't exactly sound like a recipe for a fun movie experience, but Neill Blomkamp's grisly creature feature turned out to be one of the most satisfying genre films in recent memory. Making truly clever use of the now-familiar faux documentary/found-footage gimmick, the film has some uncomfortable things to say about our society, and it says them in really entertaining ways with aliens, witch doctors, and giant frigging robot suits. (April Snellings)
ORIGINAL BLURB: Aliens land on Earth, are quarantined to a district in South Africa (way to alien-for-apartheid metaphor, movie) and are exploited by an uncaring multinational corporation (way to pun on the word "alien" for a more currently relevant metaphor). This film has had a pretty cool marketing campaign with blogs and stuff.
Moon (R)
YEAR-END OPINION: It would have been easy for Duncan Jones' insular sci-fi sleeper to end up politely navel-gazing, and it still may well have been a fine film. Tackling a heady, minimalist scenario in which a man (Sam Rockwell) living alone in a lunar mining outpost finds his own body (Sam Rockwell) in a wrecked rover, Moon consciously evokes starry tone poems like 2001 and Steve Soderbergh's underrated Solaris remake, and doesn't skimp on the psychology. Still, the film breezes by, using every theme and idea in service of a smart, often thrilling story, supported by Jones' low-gravity style and a pair of performances that reaffirm Rockwell as Hollywood's secret weapon. (N.H.)
ORIGINAL BLURB: Sam Rockwell stars as moon miner Sam Bell, who is scheduled to return to Earth following the end of his three-year contract mining Helium 3, the standard science fiction "stuff that fixes everything." But maybe he's going to be killed.
Observe and Report (R)
YEAR-END OPINION: If laugh mogul Judd Apatow's Boring People inched his stranglehold on film comedy toward the curb, Observe and Report drop-kicked it into the street. Jody Hill's accomplished follow-up to The Foot-Fist Way blindsided scores of Seth Rogen fans (not to mention any poor sap who wandered in expecting Paul Blart Redux) by choosing sociopathy over de rigeur emotional intelligence in the story of a psychologically troubled young man and the mall he has sworn to protect. A firm reminder that amiability--however foul-mouthed--is the enemy of edginess, and that genuinely challenging films like Observe and Report (which owes more to Paul Schrader than Judd Apatow) will always have more to contribute to comedy. (N.H.)
ORIGINAL BLURB: At first the neck-snapping tonal shifts--from goofball comedy to bilious nihilism--come across as challenging, even smart. But it quickly becomes clear that director Jody Hill has confused satire with sadism. His interest isn't in highlighting the (by now quite clichéd) shallowness of mall culture or the sad and broken lives of his characters. Instead Observe and Report comes across like a demonstration of his own cynical cleverness. (This one's actually an excerpt from Zak Weisfeld's full review that ran in April.)
Star Trek (PG-13)
YEAR-END REVIEW: Who knew there was so much life left in Gene Roddenberry's 43-year-old franchise? J.J. Abrams' sublime reboot embraced the series' space-opera roots to deliver a breathlessly paced adventure movie whose characters never take second billing to the film's impressive special effects. The script may have been spotty in places, and some of its logic downright dodgy, but audiences were too busy having fun to notice. (A.S.)
ORIGINAL BLURB: Maybe J.J. Abrams can bring a little meaning into our dull, empty, endless, dreary days. Yes, he can save us. Kirk, Spock, Uhuru, and the rest of the original Enterprise crew meet for the first time, young, restless, attractive, and written and acted competently for once.
Up (PG)
YEAR-END OPINION: Pixar's 10th full-length film frequently and effortlessly achieves one of the ultimate goals of cinema: to invest objects and images with so much emotion that words are superfluous. Up's now-famous opening sequence recounting several decades in its hero's life is some of the finest storytelling we've seen lately, in any medium. Up doesn't maintain that level of poignancy or impact, of course, but it's a beautifully animated, frequently funny, and often touching adventure yarn about the redemptive powers of love and friendship. (A.S.)
ORIGINAL BLURB: Pixar's latest opus has already drawn three Internets full of over-the-top critical gushing as (apparently) required by the Walt Disney Corporation. Ed Asner voices main character Carl Fredricksen, who decides to see the Americas(cheaply) by tying a bunch of balloons to his house. Soon, he finds out that the Western Hemisphere is full of wacky anthropomorphic dogs. The Americas may also contain some kind of social commentary, the partisanship of which will be debated on the radio a lot.
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