The Daily Pulse:

Butt-Chugging: The Press Conference

There are kind of no words to explain how gloriously insane this press conference is. Daniel McGehee, a Knoxville lawyer (and a Pike himself) representing dishonored, allegedly alcohol-enema-having fraternity bro Xander Broughton, tells the media his client isn't gay, then yells at the media for reporting the police reports, then says his client is going to sue because he totally didn't have an alcohol enema dude, then says his client's anal injuries are from his fellow fraternity bros picking him up by the belt of his shorts. Oh, and he calls a female reporter "sweetheart," then apologizes for it, then takes back his apology. 

Here's the video, courtesy of WBIR:

For more fun, we suggest you read the entire prepared statement of Broughton, in which he compares the whole situation to The Wizard of Oz and basically blames everyone -- UT, KPD, UTPD -- for ruining his life.

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Metro Pulse staff members instantaneously commit their innermost thoughts to the Internet for your information and/or amusement.